Tiredness

 It was once used as a form of torture. It probably still is in some places. 

The brain cannot function without proper sleep. Your body will start developing chronic health issues, like heart problems, kidney disease and high blood pressure. 

You will potentially gain weight and suffer with depression. 

I have been struggling with lack of sleep, and for me, my body doesn't respond well to tiredness. I get snappy, stressed and over emotional. I emotionally react to the most stupid things. 

Like tonight. Haven't seen S all day, and usually we would cook dinner together. But instead, she is sleeping. After saying she wouldn't. And I feel quite upset by that. Irrationally so. She is very tired too and we don't both need to cook. 

But this week, I just feel so alone. And stressed. Usually it doesn't bother me. I'm used to doing all the dinners, all the bath times and bed times. I'm used to making all the breakfasts and getting them ready for school.

But I can't help how I feel, and this week I'm tired. Tired of doing most of these things on my own. I'd like for someone else to cook, or put the kids to bed, or bathe them. 

Weeks like this one I really struggle to be here. And I struggle with negative thoughts and wishing I was just dead already. Because I need a break. Really really need a break. Someone else to take over everything for once, so I can just rest. 

But such is the life of a mum. This is how it's been for 11 years and its not going to change any time soon. So I need to suck it up and just get on with it as I've always done. 

Because parents don't get a break.